My friend the slob and why he didn’t get a referral from me

Some years ago I spent a lot of time with a lovely guy* whose focus was team building in larger businesses. One day he asked if I would introduce him to my contacts in a specific company he was targeting and where I had worked previously.

I took a deep breath before answering him honestly. I said I was sorry but I wouldn’t do that because he always looked a mess. His shirt and suit looked too old and too small for him and he really just didn’t look the part. If he smartened up I said I’d be happy to effect the intro as I knew how good he was at his job. I also knew that he had made a conscious decision not to change the way he looked. He liked the shock he caused when people found out how good he was and that appearances can be deceptive.

I explained however that I was concerned that my credibility would be damaged if I effected the introduction. I knew the Directors of the company well enough to be certain their view would be the same as mine. Even if they were impressed by my friend’s skills and approach they would be equally reluctant to bring him in-house for a team building event. he just didn’t give the right impression. The company wanted all of their staff to give a good first impression to clients, prospects and influencers. They would never engage a trainer who evidently didn’t agree with the company’s approach.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I misjudged my ex-colleagues. Maybe.

The point is that my friend missed out on the referral he sought because his view was not the same as mine. Or, I would wager, the same as many other people.

My friend didn’t think his appearance should be a determining factor. Maybe he was right. But human nature being what it is, why put up a barrier that doesn’t need to be there?

So far as I know he never worked for the company concerned. He also didn’t change his style. It’s almost his trademark – which is fine. But it limits the number of companies that will choose to work with him.

My advice is that it’s a good idea to ensure that you don’t create a negative first impression either face to face or online. You can think what you like about the impact that clothes should make on other people’s first impressions of you. The fact is that you can ensure the first impression others get of you is a positive one or a negative one. The choice is yours.

Making an effort with your appearance and evidencing a positive attitude could well ensure that you STAND OUT positively compared with your peers and with your competitors. Especially if any of them haven’t given the issue any thought!

 

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Mark Lee

Mark is a speaker, mentor, facilitator, author, blogger and debunker. Mark Lee helps professionals who want to STAND OUT and be remembered, referred and recommended using his 7 fundamental principles to create a more powerful professional impact, online and face to face.
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1 reply
  1. Peter Windatt
    Peter Windatt says:

    Hi Mark,
    Thanks for this blog – I liked it a lot and propose to circulate it to my team (all of whom look impeccable I might add).
    I have been talking through an issue re someone who attends some of our events and who is presentable generally but who clearly hasn’t be brought up by my parents when it comes to eating! I have had comments about this person who from others who don’t want to end up sitting next to him for lunch/dinner because his table manners are so off-putting. I consider the person to be a good/useful contact but I’m not sure how best to tackle what is such a personal matter! Are there classes? Is watching the scene from Pretty Woman going to be enough? I’m a bit stumped. Any thoughts welcome.
    Best wishes for 2016 – don’t expect too many responses from accountants until Feb.
    Best wishes,
    Peter

    Reply

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